The Social Centre - by ChrisB

[ November 2008 ] [ January 2009 ]

The Social Centre - December 2008

An energy drink straight outta Compton

Dripping with pimp

For too damn long pimps have been utterly parched. There’s simply been nothing fit in the energy drink market to quench the thirst of all those pimps out there. But now, after a hard day’s pimpin, all the OG’s out there can finally knock back an energy drink worthy of their discerning pimpy taste.

You’ve probably already heard, but in case you’ve been living under a rock, Pimpjuice has launched in Australia, after absolutely soaking the American market with its patented glow in the dark-ness and smooth flava. Thankfully, the black gansta-rap market which is so poorly under-represented down under will finally have a liquid medium to reach all those kids who are living rough in the vast Australian ghettoes that some call the suburbs. Now, after icing some beef-talking haters, those original gangsters from the ‘burbs can cool off with some smooth, glowing Pimpjuice – giving them the energy to then go and pimp some ho’s. For real.

Say it to my band-aid!

For anyone questioning the street-cred of Pimpjuice, just know that Nelly, yes the original ‘it’s-getting-hot-in-here-I’v e-got-a-bandaid-on-my-face’ Nelly is personally endorsing this product. So if you wish to spout some ridiculously cynical rant that Pimpjuice is a grossly explicit attempt to target the American-video music-culture identifying teenager who is too young to purchase alcohol, but eagerly consumes energy drink because it carries a health warning – well then you can dare to get right up in Nelly’s grill by emailing his private personal email account, which Pimpjuice has conveniently disclosed. You can be assured that Nelly will personally reply, comprehensibly de-bunking your claims by calling you a ‘punk-ass cracka”. Word.

Dayyyyyyem!!

But for the rest of you homies, pimpjuice.com.au has just about everything you could possibly ask for in an energy drink website. You can download must-have pimp-juice wallpapers, or read up on all the Pimpjuice news. You’ll spend hours checking out the cool 3D replica cans – in both the ‘regular’ and ‘tight’ varieties. Then once you’ve had your pimpy fill of rotating virtual cans, you can treat yo’self to some eye candy, by looking at all the fine ladeez in the gallery. From these photos, you simply cannot deny that drinking pimpjuice WILL give make you irresistible to some of the most glamorous models ever seen, as well as getting you behind the wheel of those wonderfully enormous Hummers. Dizzle.

No pimp can go without

And what pimp can possibly roll without making sure everyone else knows they are a pimp? Pimpjuice sells the most fly apparel around, where you can buy your very own “I am a pimp” t-shirt, which finally clear up the common misconceptions about pimps. The shirt helpfully points out pimp stands for ‘Positive Intellectual Motivated Person”. And all this time we thought they were ho-slappin, prostitute dealers who wore feathers in the hats…

And if you thought that was more pimp that you can handle, well you be trippin, as Pimpjuice, of course, has its very own music video. The big budget video is a visual representation of what pimpjuice is all about – and again serves as more proof that drinking the simple combination of water, high fructose corn syrup and/or sycrose, apple juice concentrate, citric acid, natural flavor, d-ribose, malic acid, ascorbic acid, inositol, Caffeine, maltodextrin, guarana (paullinia cupana) seed extract, miacin, calcium pantothenate, taurine, pyridoxine hydrochloride, yellow #5, riboflavin, blue #1 and cyanocobalamin, will in fact make you exactly like Nelly himself. Right down to the intimidating band-aid on the face. A’ight.

So seeing as many of you hardcore Aussie pimps from the streets are out there still representin' in boot-camp after the popo busted you serving up snow to b-boys, you can pass the time by checking out the website on the laptop your baby-girl smuggled in during her last conjugal visit. Peace.