The Social Centre - by ChrisB

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The Social Centre - September 2009

Horny for a long time

Benz's Autowagon - the original sweet ride

Very few machines have lasted for more than a century without being rendered obsolete by something smaller, lighter, cheaper and better capable of doing the job. It is the mandate of science to rapidly revolutionise technology so every generation can start most conversations with their offspring’s offspring by spouting: “back in my day…” While often we roll eyes at grandad’s reminiscing of how he would spend his evenings reading parchment novels under the glow of kerosene lamps – we still accept that he used a car to get himself about. Some of us may actually drive that same car today.

The car – unlike the cassette tape - is an invention that has not fundamentally changed since it was first put together by Karl Benz in 1885. Today, there is still an engine that blows up crushed ancient marine creatures to push metal cylinders up and down – and through a complicated system of cogs and rods, energy finds its way to large wheels which rotate, and thanks to grippy rubber connecting to the ground, the wheels push the whole thing forward – including the person who directs the machine by way of a steering wheel. We’ve added air conditioning (a machine that itself replaced giant blocks of ice), leather seats, push-rod suspension and heated-backside massagers – but the automobile itself has not yet been replaced. It is a machine that, despite its well publicised polluting foibles – is essentially perfect. No-one has figured out a better way around. Even when the boffins crack hydrogen technology – or whatever efficient energy source they can get to power cars – the car itself will remain – the motor is just one part of thousands.

And when we are all driving oxygen-emitting cars powered by our own exhalation – with bubble-domed roofs and automatic espresso machines – we will still only have one way of communicating to the outside world – beep beep!

The Maybach - named after a founding auto father

From the very first automobiles in the late 19th Century to today, we express our feelings via a carefully placed button at the helm of our machines, the horn. Refinements of the automobile have not led to inter-vehicle intercoms, or electronic messaging systems – nope, all that’s changed is that the clamour from an angry motorist has gone from awoogas to honks to beeps. When somebody cuts sharply into your lane, and almost wipes your nose clean off your face in the process – you don’t send a >

via intercar instant messaging systems – you lean on the horn and add some of your favourite four-letter words to the chorus.

We’ve grown up with the horn – and instinctively know what it entails – according to where you are. If you’re sitting in a line of slow moving traffic and you hear a beep, your first reaction is to panic and assume you’re the one in the wrong… your second reaction, once you realise it cant be you, is to join in and start honking at the culprit…whoever they are.

Hulk mad! Hulk beep incessantly!

If you are in the wrong, you hear the horn you are expecting – and then mutter something like ‘settle down you monkey, jeez!’ before philosophically quipping that life’s not worth getting worked up about trivial matters – and a relaxed attitude is best for all. Until 100 metres down the road an elderly woman attempts to pull out in front of you and you immediately try to blast what’s left of her hearing with your modified air-raid siren while condemning her to the pits of hell.

And, if you’re a pedestrian, the sound of a horn going off with either prompt you to turn and wave – or dive into the nearest hedge for cover. Depends on whether you make friends or enemies.

So for 124 years, Benz’s dream remains, the loud button is still there and our predisposition to merciless fury on the roads hasn’t left either. I guess this makes us a pretty unimaginative, angry little lot, doesn’t it?

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