Are You a Sociopath?
As we travel through life, we are faced with countless decisions. What should I eat for dinner?, What colour underpants should I wear today? Should I even wear underpants today? and et cetera.
Following is a list of decisions that most of us will invariably have to make. The object of course is to determine if in fact you are a decent, upstanding citizen...or a raving, sociopathic maniac who needs to be institutionalised post haste.
Good luck,
1) You are driving along the road that you drive along, and one of those small myna birds - the little ugly ones that are pest to the native bird life - swoops in front of your vehicle, in a daredevil attempt to get that half eaten sandwich in the middle of the road. Which pedal to you press?
2) You are in a shopping mall, and there are a group of young teenage kids very publicly making fun of an overweight child with braces, glasses, acne, a knitted V-neck pullover and intensely red hair. What do you do?
3) You are eating dinner at a friend's house. She is very excited and rather nervous, as it is the first time she has ever cooked for friends. She is also emotionally unstable. The food is making you violently ill. You could almost swear she was trying to kill you, and your stomach is making noises not heard since prehistoric ages. What do you do?
4) Finally, you have just woken up at 8:37am on Saturday morning. You are stumbling towards the kettle, bumping into walls as your eyes struggle to remain open, all of a sudden - BANG,BANG, BANG!!! upon the door. 'Oh GOD, they've dropped the nukes!" you think as you begrudgingly trudge towards the door. You swing open the door to be greeted by two smiling Mormons. What do you do?
OK think about it.....
There is not right or wrong but here are the answers.
1) If you said BRAKE pedal - you are wrong. The correct answer is THROTTLE. They are pests and besides, you wanted that sandwich.
2) If you were to step in a stop the mockery, then you would be disrupting the natural order and that is WRONG. The correct answer is to walk away or better yet, join in the fun. Nice jumper, braceface.
3) If you politely excised yourself, and blamed your illness on 'some bug thats going around' then you are WRONG. The correct thing to do is to exclaim as loud as possible: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO??!!...MY STOMACH IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE BECAUSE OF YOUR DISGUSTING FOOD!!", whilst attempting to turn the room into a gas chamber in an effort to retaliiate. Also throw in a line or two about how ugly the plates were.
4) This is the easiest by far. Welcome them in, offer them a cup of tea or coffee and as they sit down, casually walk over and lock the door. Inform them that you are in fact a Satanist - and that they are just in time for the sacrifice. Compliment them on their white shirts, noting how blood shows up well on white shirts and ask them to sit tight whilst you go prepare the goat. With any luck, they will have tunnelled their way out before you return clutching a meat cleaver.
There you go, if you answered correct to at least 3 of these - then congratulations - you are officially a sociopath. Well done, sicko.
Following is a list of decisions that most of us will invariably have to make. The object of course is to determine if in fact you are a decent, upstanding citizen...or a raving, sociopathic maniac who needs to be institutionalised post haste.
Good luck,
Myna birds: bastards
Braces: humiliating
Food: sickening
Mormon Books: intrusive
OK think about it.....
There is not right or wrong but here are the answers.
1) If you said BRAKE pedal - you are wrong. The correct answer is THROTTLE. They are pests and besides, you wanted that sandwich.
2) If you were to step in a stop the mockery, then you would be disrupting the natural order and that is WRONG. The correct answer is to walk away or better yet, join in the fun. Nice jumper, braceface.
3) If you politely excised yourself, and blamed your illness on 'some bug thats going around' then you are WRONG. The correct thing to do is to exclaim as loud as possible: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO??!!...MY STOMACH IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE BECAUSE OF YOUR DISGUSTING FOOD!!", whilst attempting to turn the room into a gas chamber in an effort to retaliiate. Also throw in a line or two about how ugly the plates were.
4) This is the easiest by far. Welcome them in, offer them a cup of tea or coffee and as they sit down, casually walk over and lock the door. Inform them that you are in fact a Satanist - and that they are just in time for the sacrifice. Compliment them on their white shirts, noting how blood shows up well on white shirts and ask them to sit tight whilst you go prepare the goat. With any luck, they will have tunnelled their way out before you return clutching a meat cleaver.
There you go, if you answered correct to at least 3 of these - then congratulations - you are officially a sociopath. Well done, sicko.
The Voices in my Head
Great post, I needed the laugh. Well done!
Voices~
Formula 1
The Social Centre
As long as oyu dont force your son to wear v-neck pullovers - then thats ok.