Drunken Friends
Drunken friends are a strange bunch. Often nocturnal creatures, there are many varieties of species to this inebriated beast that inhabit pubs, clubs and backyards worldwide.
Here are some common species that you are likely to have come across:
Canyouhearme Yellalotus: Often found near the speakers during a live performance, this drunken friend has the tendency to scream into your ears as a means of communications. Often shouting useless dialogue (such as “wow, it’s loud!” or, “I love this song!”) directly into your eardrum – this friend will be found hoarse and a little sorry for himself or herself the next morning.
Cannotcontroldrink Mindyourshoesius: This drunken friend is a very generous creature. They will liberally share their drinks with others by pouring them all over the shirts, jeans, shoes and any other part of clothing worn by friends and acquaintances. They often do not realise their generosity – however they always manage to somehow target the most embarrassing parts to dampen.
Singstar Singalongus: This drunken friend is closely related to the Yellalotus, however this particular species communicates through songs. Will frequently ignore conversations and sing whatever song is playing, and will bellow out songs of their choice during migration rituals between watering holes. It is highly dangerous to attempt to interrupt the Singalongus during a song.
Heyguesswhatius Imdrunkius: This friend is somewhat of a parasite, like a leech who was previously attached to Anna Nicole Smith. This friend will begin to transform from your garden-variety drunken friend into a full-blown jungle drunken leech after around 4 beers. They are characterised by one semi-closed eye, a shaky right leg and the need to verbalise their drunkenness repeatedly. They will find themselves a host and attach themselves there for the remainder of the night – or until they have ingested enough alcohol to retire into a comatose state of sleep.
Seldomdrink Spewplentius: During the day, this friend is quite timid and shy, however upon commencing the consumption of alcohol – they will transform into a loud, outgoing and above all, messy drunk. Their low tolerance of alcohol means that they will achieve a state of immense drunkenness early. They are also strongly territorial – marking their territory by chundering all over it. The spewplentius is an elusive creature, as they come out early in proceedings but disappear after a short period – escorted by several others.
Iluvyousallius Imdrunkius: This drunken friend is a highly affectionate creature. They perform their ritual mating call – “I luv you man” – upon every person in their immediate vicinity. Their mating ritual often coincides with the mass purchase of drinks. They also close relations to the Heyguesswhat species.
Aretheydrunk ornotusi: These drunken friends are masters of deception. They are able to down massive amounts of alcohol, however appear to remain completely sober. They are quiet and do not engage in ritual drunken behaviour. Many often question if they are drinking or not….until they are found faceplanted and snoring on the bottom of a short staircase.
Here are some common species that you are likely to have come across:
Canyouhearme Yellalotus: Often found near the speakers during a live performance, this drunken friend has the tendency to scream into your ears as a means of communications. Often shouting useless dialogue (such as “wow, it’s loud!” or, “I love this song!”) directly into your eardrum – this friend will be found hoarse and a little sorry for himself or herself the next morning.
Cannotcontroldrink Mindyourshoesius: This drunken friend is a very generous creature. They will liberally share their drinks with others by pouring them all over the shirts, jeans, shoes and any other part of clothing worn by friends and acquaintances. They often do not realise their generosity – however they always manage to somehow target the most embarrassing parts to dampen.
Singstar Singalongus: This drunken friend is closely related to the Yellalotus, however this particular species communicates through songs. Will frequently ignore conversations and sing whatever song is playing, and will bellow out songs of their choice during migration rituals between watering holes. It is highly dangerous to attempt to interrupt the Singalongus during a song.
A rare sighting of Seldomdrink splewplentius
Seldomdrink Spewplentius: During the day, this friend is quite timid and shy, however upon commencing the consumption of alcohol – they will transform into a loud, outgoing and above all, messy drunk. Their low tolerance of alcohol means that they will achieve a state of immense drunkenness early. They are also strongly territorial – marking their territory by chundering all over it. The spewplentius is an elusive creature, as they come out early in proceedings but disappear after a short period – escorted by several others.
A now extinct species of drunken friend
Iluvyousallius Imdrunkius: This drunken friend is a highly affectionate creature. They perform their ritual mating call – “I luv you man” – upon every person in their immediate vicinity. Their mating ritual often coincides with the mass purchase of drinks. They also close relations to the Heyguesswhat species.
Aretheydrunk ornotusi: These drunken friends are masters of deception. They are able to down massive amounts of alcohol, however appear to remain completely sober. They are quiet and do not engage in ritual drunken behaviour. Many often question if they are drinking or not….until they are found faceplanted and snoring on the bottom of a short staircase.
Cinematrix
Formula 1
The Social Centre
Two parts Cannotcontroldrinkus Mindyourshoesius, one part Singstar Singalongus and one part unknown.