Worst Decisions in History
History is punctuated with human error. The folly of our ways keeps coming back to bite us on the arse over and over again, but we never learn. Just to gauge precisely how bad humans are at making decisions, here is a timeline of selected moments of supreme ill judgement.
Beginning of time: Adam and Eve eat the apple:
God gives mankind life, and the promise of eternal bliss in a beautiful bountiful garden. However, there was one simple, condition: Don’t eat the apples from that tree over there. Of course, Eve, the weak-willed fool grabs the apple and munches away with fellow fool, Adam, God catches them, and mankind is kicked out of Eden and forever cursed with sin. Decisions don’t get much worse than that.
12th Century BC: The Trojans let it the horse in
The impenetrable fortress of Troy was the scene for Homer’s legendary tale of a war fought over lust, territory and honour. With so much at stake the Greeks threw everything at the Trojans, but to no avail. The proud Trojan army was on the cusp of victory, until one afternoon they found a giant, inauspicious wooden horse parked at their gate. Thinking it was a gift, they let it in, along with a bundle of mischievous Greek soldiers. Oops.
1173: Work begins on the Leaning Tower of Pisa
What is now considered a testament to the artistic flair of classical Italy, and a major global attraction, is actually a major design screw-up. The guilty architect’s identity is unknown, but whoever it was made a fundamental error by planning to build a massive, 50 metre tall tower on soft soil. But, considering its function as a tourist lure, as far as mistakes go, this one might go down as one of the best worst decisions ever.
1771: Settlers found LA on a fault line
It’s 1771 and Spanish missionary, Junipero Serra is cruising around the southwestern part of North America land searching for a sweet spot to found a settlement. Suddenly, Serra and his compadres spot a big, rumbling valley. ‘What better place to establish a highly populated region than on a giant fault line?’ he thought. Thanks to Serra, Los Angeles residents endure thousands of earthquakes annually due to its strategic placement right along the San Andreas Fault. Now, a few hundred years later, LA is inhabited by thousands of fragile-ego'ed plastic people and the worlds only 24-hour drive-thru taxidermist. Serra would be proud.
1912: The Titanic sets sail
The world stood back in awe of the hulking great trans-Atlantic ocean-liner when it was unveiled in 1912. The Titanic was the most sturdy, solid thing ever to float on water. It was unsinkable. So, in order to make more room for shuffleboard, many of the lifeboats were ditched and the mammoth ship departed Southampton assured that there was no need for the safety devices. A block of ice and over a thousand lost souls later, and perhaps ditching the lifeboats wasn’t the smartest idea.
1920: America introduces prohibition
Post World War 1 America was swept by moral panic as swing music took over and women started exposing their ankles. Of course, booze was the culprit, and prohibition was enforced from 1920. But, in fact alcohol consumption increased during the ‘dry’ years, as the black market flourished and organised crime took over. By 1933, politicians noticed that the country was drunker than ever, and finally repealed the decision.
1962: Dick Rowe rejects the Beatles
The Beatles defined the music of the sixties, and have basically influenced every musical act to existing today. Hell, the sound of Paul McCarntney and John Lennon in harmony sent millions of fans temporarily insane, but one man wasn’t impressed. After auditioning the upcoming band early in 1962, Dick Rowe from Decca records rejected the Beatles from his label, saying ‘guitar music’ is on the way out”. The Fab Four went on to be bigger than Jesus, while a successful career judging Idol beckoned for Rowe.
1972: David Bowie debuts the mullet
Any haircut named after a fish must be bad and anybody who willingly adopts a haircut named after a fish must be simply insane. It is believed that gender-bending glam rock icon, David Bowie was the first to make the mullet fashionable. Big mistake. Millions of photo albums from the era have since become embarrassing laughing stocks thanks to man’s (and woman’s) barber chair decision to make it ‘business up front and party out back.’
1990: Tom Cruise becomes a scientologist
Leading roles in Top Gun, The Colour of Money and Rain Man established Cruise as one of Hollywood’s most popular and respected actors. However, one fateful day in 1990, the diminutive star embraced the teachings of Scientology. Fast-forward several years, and after trampling all over Oprah Winfrey’s couch and building a bomb shelter in anticipation of an alien attack, Cruise struggles to demand respect.
1991: Gerald Ratner commits corporate suicide
Five years after inheriting control of his father’s global retail jewellery company, Ratner’s, British businessman Gerald Ratner brought his own company to it’s knees with a poorly timed attempt at humour. Speaking to a selection of company directors, including one reporter, Ratner called a decanter set sold by his company “total crap”, and declared that a prawn sandwich would outlast a pair of Ratner’s earrings. Share prices plummeted overnight, and the company changed its name to prevent further damage. The infamous gaffe is now corporate folklore, to the point where such an act is known as ‘doing a Ratner.’
2001: The Segway is unveiled
In 2001, scientists were declaring human legs useless, when the Segway, a futuristic personal transport machine, was unveiled. Designed for people who are simply too fat or lazy to walk down the street, the Segway was the machine that was going to transform society. Six years later, and the Segway is still around, but is banned from the walkways of most places, rendering it almost completely useless.
2002: Swept Away premieres
The slick, punchy directing style of Guy Ritchie shone with hits like Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and Snatch, but all his credibility was swept away with one film. Swept Away appalled anybody with eyes and ears and had critics questioning just what Madonna had done to the once clever and inventive Brit. He’s back doing gangster flicks now, but after his beachside romp with B-grade movie standards, Ritchie has a lot of career rescuing to do.
2006: Italy defeat Australia in the World Cup
There are around 20 million people in Australia, which means there were about 40 million arms thrust into the air in shock when the referee pointed to the spot and ended Australia’s dream run the 2006 World Cup. In the dying seconds of the knockout match against Italy, Fabio Grosso leapt like a trained dolphin over Lucas Neill inside the Socceroos penalty box, and his theatrics were enough to convince referee Luis Medina Cantalejo to award the Italians the penalty, the match and the World Cup. To this day, that referee’s decision remains the absolute worst in the history of (supposedly) intelligent life.
Mmmmm...sin!
Nothing suspicious there...
The impenetrable fortress of Troy was the scene for Homer’s legendary tale of a war fought over lust, territory and honour. With so much at stake the Greeks threw everything at the Trojans, but to no avail. The proud Trojan army was on the cusp of victory, until one afternoon they found a giant, inauspicious wooden horse parked at their gate. Thinking it was a gift, they let it in, along with a bundle of mischievous Greek soldiers. Oops.
Its straight enough
What is now considered a testament to the artistic flair of classical Italy, and a major global attraction, is actually a major design screw-up. The guilty architect’s identity is unknown, but whoever it was made a fundamental error by planning to build a massive, 50 metre tall tower on soft soil. But, considering its function as a tourist lure, as far as mistakes go, this one might go down as one of the best worst decisions ever.
Earthquakes...smog...great place to live!
It’s 1771 and Spanish missionary, Junipero Serra is cruising around the southwestern part of North America land searching for a sweet spot to found a settlement. Suddenly, Serra and his compadres spot a big, rumbling valley. ‘What better place to establish a highly populated region than on a giant fault line?’ he thought. Thanks to Serra, Los Angeles residents endure thousands of earthquakes annually due to its strategic placement right along the San Andreas Fault. Now, a few hundred years later, LA is inhabited by thousands of fragile-ego'ed plastic people and the worlds only 24-hour drive-thru taxidermist. Serra would be proud.
At least the movie didn't sink
The world stood back in awe of the hulking great trans-Atlantic ocean-liner when it was unveiled in 1912. The Titanic was the most sturdy, solid thing ever to float on water. It was unsinkable. So, in order to make more room for shuffleboard, many of the lifeboats were ditched and the mammoth ship departed Southampton assured that there was no need for the safety devices. A block of ice and over a thousand lost souls later, and perhaps ditching the lifeboats wasn’t the smartest idea.
No debauchery here, officer
Post World War 1 America was swept by moral panic as swing music took over and women started exposing their ankles. Of course, booze was the culprit, and prohibition was enforced from 1920. But, in fact alcohol consumption increased during the ‘dry’ years, as the black market flourished and organised crime took over. By 1933, politicians noticed that the country was drunker than ever, and finally repealed the decision.
Going nowhere
The Beatles defined the music of the sixties, and have basically influenced every musical act to existing today. Hell, the sound of Paul McCarntney and John Lennon in harmony sent millions of fans temporarily insane, but one man wasn’t impressed. After auditioning the upcoming band early in 1962, Dick Rowe from Decca records rejected the Beatles from his label, saying ‘guitar music’ is on the way out”. The Fab Four went on to be bigger than Jesus, while a successful career judging Idol beckoned for Rowe.
Worst haircut ever
Any haircut named after a fish must be bad and anybody who willingly adopts a haircut named after a fish must be simply insane. It is believed that gender-bending glam rock icon, David Bowie was the first to make the mullet fashionable. Big mistake. Millions of photo albums from the era have since become embarrassing laughing stocks thanks to man’s (and woman’s) barber chair decision to make it ‘business up front and party out back.’
Excited thetan man
Leading roles in Top Gun, The Colour of Money and Rain Man established Cruise as one of Hollywood’s most popular and respected actors. However, one fateful day in 1990, the diminutive star embraced the teachings of Scientology. Fast-forward several years, and after trampling all over Oprah Winfrey’s couch and building a bomb shelter in anticipation of an alien attack, Cruise struggles to demand respect.
Crap...
Five years after inheriting control of his father’s global retail jewellery company, Ratner’s, British businessman Gerald Ratner brought his own company to it’s knees with a poorly timed attempt at humour. Speaking to a selection of company directors, including one reporter, Ratner called a decanter set sold by his company “total crap”, and declared that a prawn sandwich would outlast a pair of Ratner’s earrings. Share prices plummeted overnight, and the company changed its name to prevent further damage. The infamous gaffe is now corporate folklore, to the point where such an act is known as ‘doing a Ratner.’
Legs are for chumps
In 2001, scientists were declaring human legs useless, when the Segway, a futuristic personal transport machine, was unveiled. Designed for people who are simply too fat or lazy to walk down the street, the Segway was the machine that was going to transform society. Six years later, and the Segway is still around, but is banned from the walkways of most places, rendering it almost completely useless.
Ritchie departs from talent for a spell
The slick, punchy directing style of Guy Ritchie shone with hits like Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and Snatch, but all his credibility was swept away with one film. Swept Away appalled anybody with eyes and ears and had critics questioning just what Madonna had done to the once clever and inventive Brit. He’s back doing gangster flicks now, but after his beachside romp with B-grade movie standards, Ritchie has a lot of career rescuing to do.
Penalty? get f***ed!
There are around 20 million people in Australia, which means there were about 40 million arms thrust into the air in shock when the referee pointed to the spot and ended Australia’s dream run the 2006 World Cup. In the dying seconds of the knockout match against Italy, Fabio Grosso leapt like a trained dolphin over Lucas Neill inside the Socceroos penalty box, and his theatrics were enough to convince referee Luis Medina Cantalejo to award the Italians the penalty, the match and the World Cup. To this day, that referee’s decision remains the absolute worst in the history of (supposedly) intelligent life.
Technology View
If you have read the book Veronica decides to Die by Paulo Coelho, there is a great interlude in there from a lawyer who is convincing in her theory on how the biting of the apple was a play on humans. There are pretty strong reasons to why it happened that way with all the allusions that God created by telling the location of the tree and the presence of the apples.
Overall, I believe follies are what prompt us to greater discoveries. So the best follies are the ones which were not converted to discoveries or achievements.